This December, my husband (S) and I (L) celebrate our first wedding anniversary. Let us tell you how we met:
L: “Hmm? You have someone you want me to meet?” I stepped out of the chatter of the café onto the street, to hear my friend’s voice better on the phone. The spring air was still chilly, and I shivered as I listened to my friend describing a few meagre details about a talented man, with a sad backstory, who had lived overseas at some point. Would I be interested in meeting him? I almost said No. After all, I had a very busy schedule. Did I even have time for a relationship?! But…I had been praying for a while about loneliness, singleness, and love. There was no harm in just meeting someone.
S: It was a blind date for Lynette, but I had actually seen pictures of her first! Our mutual friend knew I was looking to meet someone, and so he wanted to introduce me to one of the good single ladies at his church. He suggested some different people, but I was most interested when I heard that there was someone from England, because I had lived in England for a few years as a boy, and I spoke English.
L: We agreed to meet at a café. Because we lived on opposite sides of Seoul, he had to drive across the city after work in rush hour traffic…which made him a little late.
S: It wasn’t love at first sight. Honestly, I had dressed up, and she looked more casual, so I thought maybe she wasn’t serious about this.
L: When I first saw him, I thought he might be in his 40s! He looked very formal and solemn. “He’s not my style,” I thought immediately. But I determined to do my best to make sure he had a nice evening with me after such a long drive.
S: I liked Lynette as we talked. Even though it wasn’t love at first sight, I was interested. I decided I wanted to pursue her seriously without playing games. She was a good, engaged listener. She reacted carefully and responded to everything I told her, even when I was sharing about some of the harder things in my past. From time to time, she smiled…I loved her smile. At that time, I had mostly lost my facial expressions, so I loved how she smiled.
L: We found a few commonalities on that first date. We were both Pastor’s Kids, for instance. And strangely, the place where I was currently living was the same apartment where he had lived a few years before. That was a surprise for both of us to realize!
S: After the date, our mutual friends called me. I told them I wanted to see Lynette again. My friend asked, “Did she smile much? She smiles a lot when she’s interested.” I thought she had smiled quite a lot, so that seemed like a good sign.
L: I thought that Stephen was a nice, kind man, but I wasn’t romantically interested. I didn’t feel any spark. He just wasn’t my type...and he worked in ministry, which I wanted to avoid! Besides, to be honest, I was a little freaked out that he had the same name as my brother – in spelling if not pronunciation!!
S: I was sad when I found out she wasn’t interested in me. But I thought it was understandable for her to pull back if some things in my history were challenging or not satisfying for her. Or perhaps I just hadn’t charmed her enough!
L: Even though I thought Stephen wasn’t my type, I was impressed by his courage to put himself on the line, share his interest in me honestly, and ask for a second chance. I liked that he wasn’t playing games. I remembered some advice a friend had given me years before – give someone three dates. If you’re not feeling any interest after three dates, then part ways, but at least you gave it a chance. So I decided to give S another date.
S: I loved that she gave me a second chance.
L: For our second date, we met at the Lotte World Tower in Jamsil. It’s a famous spot in Seoul for beautiful views of the city and the Han River. I saw Stephen coming towards me with a shy smile and a big bouquet of soft pink peonies, and my heart warmed a little…he didn’t know it, but peonies were one of my favorite flowers.
That evening, he was a lot more comfortable. He even smiled, and I saw cute dimples! We talked about all sorts of things, from our values and religious experience to our travels and mobile upbringing. We found out that we had moved house the same number of times and had travelled to the same number of countries.
That evening, seeing him more relaxed and talking more freely, I began to think that I could be interested in this guy after all.
S: When she agreed to a second date, I felt that it was a green-ish light. But I felt surer after talking together that evening, and then she posted a picture of the peonies I gave her on Instagram. Then I really thought, “Ok, this is a green light!” I loved it.
L: From that moment, it was as if we clicked. We talked every day. In Korean dating culture, it’s pretty common to go on just a few dates with someone before you decide if you’re “in or out” of becoming an official couple…maybe 3 dates. We agreed to 10 formal dates, before deciding whether we wanted to pursue the relationship further and make it official. In reality, we saw each other a lot more than that!
Stephen would often drive up to me straight after work, skipping dinner and sitting in traffic for around 3 hours at a time, just to be able to take me on a date or see me for a few hours and casually walk and talk. He would stay overnight with his parents, who lived nearby, and then drive back to work the next morning for another 3 hours in rush hour traffic. That effort and commitment went a long way to winning my heart.
In the first 38 days of knowing each other, we met in person 23 times, in spite of the long travel time. After that, we stopped counting how many times we got together!
As we talked, and I learned more about him from his friends and colleagues, I began to see that this was someone I could do life with. I could see that he had traits I had prayed for. And I was happy to see that he treated me respectfully even during conflict about something.
In fact, Stephen had decided quite quickly that I was right for him.
S: I loved her consideration in the way she listened and reacted, even though I thought I wasn’t an interesting storyteller or funny guy. In the beginning, I was very formal and official.
L: He was indeed a lot more reserved at the beginning. His funny, goofy, easy-going side came out as we got to know each other. It felt like a personal victory every time I could make him smile or laugh! These days, I’m happy to report that he smiles a lot.
S: I couldn’t go after “love at first sight” at my age, 35, and with a sad story in my past. So I was careful. But I liked her appearance, her reactions, and her character. I thought I could seriously pursue her, and if she agreed and God allowed, I would like to find my happiness with her.
My parents also liked the sound of Lynette when I told them about her. Even though we would be an international couple, which they never expected, they were still supportive, and that was a good sign to me.
L: I hadn’t come to Korea with the dream or purpose of meeting a Korean man. Sure, I had been open to the idea of meeting someone, but the lack of single men around made me feel like I had given up my chance of love by coming here. So, neither of us had anticipated marrying someone from a completely different culture!
S: It didn’t put me off that she was a foreigner, though. I actually felt comfortable with her. The biggest challenge for me in dating her was that it was such a long drive in the rush hour traffic!
And of course, dating as an international couple is easier – it’s just a few hours together – but until you live together, you don’t fully know some of the challenges or differences.
L: But we are surviving our cultural differences!
S: I’m not just surviving. I’m happy with you.
L: I’m happy too.
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We met in the spring of 2022 and were married at the end of the same year.
(Actually, we had two weddings! One in England at the end of 2022, and one in Korea at the beginning of 2023. Click the slideshow below to see some pictures from both weddings.)
At our wedding, my brother and his girlfriend read a beautiful liturgy for an intercultural marriage, which I had first discovered at Liturgies for a Life Abroad. The words felt very appropriate:
“Creator God, You are the One who holds us together. You have known us since before our birth. You are Lord over here and over there. We grew up in different places. Our love is where those cultures collide…
May we always value where we come from. May we learn the art of compromise and keeping open minds. Love learns, grows, and adjusts. Our intercultural relationship is our teacher. We have had to be flexible, sensitive, and attentive to things we never even knew to look for…
May we never forget you are our common ground, always holding us together.” – Tamika Rybinski
We have learned a lot over the past year. Sometimes we have clashed, misunderstanding or disagreeing with each other. But there has been a lot of happiness, adventure, and laughter too. I’m thankful for my Korean prince.
We are continuing to grow, learn, and adjust in love, with God as our core common ground.
l simply loved reading this so much! I’m so happy for you both to have found love with each other. Marriage is such a blessing! No more goodbyes and someone to share life with.
Loved it! You are an amazing person.. when you found him I was so glad for you! God bless your family 😍